Postpartum Depression
My little guy was born February 15th. 
He's happy and perfect and I love him so much.
My birth story was a little odd in that:
I went into labor at work; and had to complete the rest of my shift. Six hours I labored at work. Nothing I couldn't handle. Just strong irregular contractions. I went home and two hours later my water erupted ("broke" haha, nope. It erupted) seven hours later: one perfect, if slightly small little guy was born.
Unfortunately, my SO was out of work at the time so I had to return to work 3.5 weeks later.
Abel is now 4 months old and I haven't kicked this numb feeling. I know I love him. I just don't have a connection I guess. I care for him 75% of the time. He's never slept a night outside of my arms (Yes, we bed share.) but I guess I just don't feel like a mother. I've always wanted to be one. When teachers asked me what I wanted to be it was always: A mommy. (Then maybe a: lawyer, doctor, teacher, astronaut)
I keep waiting for this switch to flip on and for me to feel this spark. Sometimes it's there. Like at three in the morning when he's wide awake and I'm wide awake and we just play. He's giggling and laughing and for a second I see myself in his smile. For a fleeting moment he looks a little like me.
I'm not sure why I'm sharing this. I just figured maybe other mama's were feeling the same way. And I wanted you all to know:
In your baby's eyes: you are perfect.
You are everything they could want and more
They don't hold you to some impossible standard.
It's you they look to in a room.
It's you they crave Day and night
They don't see imperfection
They see perfection
They see love
They see you
❤️💙
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