We got to talk to our midwife 10 very emotional hours later who explained either we had the dating wrong and I was only 6 weeks pregnant or i had had a missed abortion: the baby had stopped growing but my body didn't realize and no miscarriage had happened.  I had had no spotting or bleeding at all to this point so the only way to tell is repeated bloodwork. I googled and googled and so many miracle stories popped up of ultrasounds gone wrong and the baby was there... We wouldn't know our fate until Saturday at the earliest. It was so hard not to hope but I think deep down we knew we had lost her. 

By Friday morning my psychological state caught up with my body and bleeding started. I've had three serious sessions of contractions (I guess you'd call them) with lots of tissue expelled each time. It's been a hell of a weekend physically and emotionally but my husband is incredibly supportive. I felt well enough on Friday late afternoon to go for a drive.  We went to a neighbouring town, had a stroll around and got a bite to eat. We talked a lot. We still are. If you do feel well enough to get out for "a great escape", do. 

I'm Still bleeding but I hope the worst of the physical pain is over. 

Emotionally I have highs and lows. It's hard to process. It was our first pregnancy, though I think I also miscarried very early on in February of this year. We were just getting excited and had told a few people who are very close to us.  I had become accustomed to and started enjoying the going to bed and waking up early, no wine... slowly shifting into the mindset of the type of selflessness that comes with being a parent. I'm mourning the baby, definitely, but also the plans I was starting to make in my head. What a life shift. 

I'm surprised how comforting writing this short post has been. Thank you for the outlet.