Emotionally abusive mum
First of all she talks to my sister like shit all the time, she's 5, I know 5 year olds can be annoying but she starts the day by shouting and starting arguments and I try stop her because I see my sister having worse depression and anxiety than I have when she grows up! The other day they were going to have dinner at a friends, just my mum and my sister and then my sister wet herself as soon as they got back from school so my mum started having a go saying stuff like " I can't fucking deal with this Emily it's ridiculous you're not a fucking baby" so my sister obviously is embarrassed and upset so she starts crying and then my mum says "right that's it we're not going" so Emily starts crying more obviously. Then my mum says " well we're not fucking going if you're whinging"????!!! But YOU JUST MADE HER UPSET OF COURSE SHES GOING TO WHINGE YOU SPOKE TO HER LIKE SHIT AND THEN SAID SHE CANT GO CAUSE SHE FEELS LIKE SHIT???! This is what my mum does all the time! Fucked up arguments, blames us for the emotions she's caused and then puts more blame on us? It's so fucking headrecking it's seriously fucking my mental health up which I've been trying to fix but I've realised it's not me it's her.. I start my day with good intentions I get my sister ready and do her hair n stuff and then my mum gets back and shouts at the dogs instantly but her dog just want to fucking say hello!!! It angers me so much, I can't even think of other headfucking arguments because I'm so angry right now but they're all based on my insomnia and asking her to be quiet for a couple hours so I can nap from not sleeping since being back from the hospital for hyperemesis, her excuse for me not sleeping is that she doesn't sleep even though when I'm wide awake at night I hear her snoring and she said she doesn't want to tip toe around her house? She wants her own pleasure and comfort before my health and happiness for everything! It's so baffling I don't understand how an adult of over 40 with 2 children can still be so selfish and aggressive??? Its fucking me up so much I'm so angry when she's around me as soon as she goes it's like I don't have any mental health issues at all! I have depression and anxiety but trying to get a deeper diagnosis for bipolar or something my similar as it explains my life(different story all together)so I don't see why she's making my life so much harder for me?? I'm saving up to move out but financially it's not gonna happen for a couple months and when I do leave I don't want to see her ever again as she's mentally deterring, but when I do my sisters going to be with her and all her anger I'm scared I feel like taking action so her dad can have full care of her as he's amazing with her but I'll find ways to see her regularly with no mum around but I'm scared for her future? I keep imaging her crying at my doorstep at 18 saying every dark thought I've ever had and my feeling so guilty cause I could try do something now but I just don't know what??? I've tried ignoring my mum and pretending to be happy infrastructure of my sister but my heads just getting my darker and darker.
Thank you for reading it's probably confusing and not explained to extent very well but my heads fucked and I dunno what to do I'm trying so hard to improve myself for my baby I genuinely think I can do it but my mum comes and ruins it every day! Will try to explain arguments( her shouting at me) and what words and things she uses to manipulate my emotions when I've calmed down but thanks for reading