"Making love"

I came to the hard resolution that I have never "made love" with any guys I have been with. Sex was just that sex... it was fun but that was it.. physical. Nothing more. I have never been with a guy that I could fully be open with... I thought this relationship would be different but that blew up in my face. Once he said he wasn't really attracted to me and I was bigger than his normal type. Now i hide my fat and have sex is now awkward in my mind.... so the idea of making love is just something that will never happen... to much of a fat whale to be loved.