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I am sorry to say but it appears he is still in love with her. You need to have a serious conversation with him and tell him that he can't work at the place she lives at and he needs to figure out what he really wants. Personally I would take a break from him and let him figure out if the relationship is important to him.
Am I being too paranoid?
My fiancée does private security.
He was married once before to a woman who he was with for seven years and then was married to for two years. Recently, she got a new job as an apartment complex manager. As it turns out, that complex employs his security company.
He has made calls because he wants to get transferred to her complex, as she will be moving in there. When we first go together, he broke up with me because he "was still in love with [his] ex". We eventually reconciled and moved past it.
They have 2 kids together and a court ordered custody agreement in place. I get he wants to watch out for his kids, but it concerns me that he's trying to be so involved in her life. Also, He doesn't understand why I don't want to be friends with his ex. I'm civil, certainly, but I don't want to hang out and grab beers after work or anything.
He would literally drop anything to run and help her. Not the kids, but her.
Am I being too paranoid? Should I be worried? Do I even have a right to be? He doesn't listen when I try to express that this makes me uncomfortable: him working side-by-side with his ex in a professional setting. Also, she is the jealous type.
Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks!
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Uh yeah I would be worried if it were me. Sounds like he's still emotionally involved with her.
Ha
I agree with Mallory he's not meeting your needs and sounds like he's making another woman a priority over you.
Mo
You shouldn't have to get to know anyone that you don't want to get to know. Tell him that idea is off the table and he either needs to make you feel safe about this or you have to make a tough decision.
Sa
I've tried to explain to him that it bothers me. He keeps telling me to "go and with her and get to know her" but I don't want to. I don't want to be connected to her other than for the sake of the kids. He keeps pushing her into every aspect of our lives.
If the situation is making you feel insecure about your relationship, then it doesn't matter if you "should be" because you are. Own your feelings about it. You are allowed to feel however you feel about this. Talk to him about it and let him know how you are feeling, be sure to tell him that you are not feeling safe and stable in your relationship, and tell him what he needs to do to help make you feel better about it. If he is not willing to make some changes, then your only other choice is to accept him and his situation just as it is or leave. In my opinion, if you believe that he is still in love with her, then you should probably leave.
I'd be worried too! I feel like he's still in love with her. They already had a custody agreement in place...and everything was fine before she got the job there right? Then why does he need to work there too? I don't like the sound of that. I'd be super upset and think he just wants to be with her especially if he broke up with you once because he still loved her...
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