Ok, so I am starting my 3rd cycle of clomid. While my side effects were pretty mild on my first cycle, they are off the charts-might-need-bail-money kind of crazy. For me, it seems the longer I'm on them the more severe the side effects become. The headaches, mood swings, vomiting... all it's glory. And to be perfectly honest.... I'm a raging lunatic. I logically know this, but I can't control it. I have to close my door at work to either cry or silent scream, just to keep me from losing my job for bat-poop crazy behavior.

On top of this, I just hosted a baby shower for my brother and his fiancé. They announced the name of their new baby, and I swear I felt like someone ripped my heart from my chest. They are naming their son the exact name I have had picked out for over a decade. (Hubby and I have been trying for six years). I know it's just a name, but it felt like my son said "I'm tired of waiting for you, so I pick them".

I know, I know. I'm a jerk face. There is no way they could've known. But I feel like i am continually getting sucker punched in the uterus.

There are so many "we weren't even trying" pregnancies around right now, I can hardly breathe. Maybe it's time to let go.