Is this normal kid behaviour?

Question

So my boyfriend and i have a 16 month old girl together and he has an 8 year old and a 10 year old with his ex. We always had shared custody, pretty much half half, for the four years weve been together and I have a good relationship with them. It isn't perfect, but we do love each other. Well, recently their mother moved back to Haiti and they are living with her full time and we get them for the summers. Huge change in all our lives and we miss them so much when they are gone. 
Well they are here now, which is great. The house is full and we are tired and busy but theres a lot of love in the house and the baby is thrilled to have them here. 
But I find there are some behaviours that are really irking me, and I know that kids will be kids and they will fight and they need to be reminded of certain expectations, but since they've been back they just do not want to pull their weight. Like this morning, I woke up at 630 like I always do with the baby and the kids got up too. I read to them and we are trying to finish Harry Potter #6 before the end of summer so I read to them this morning before heading to work. I literally have myself 20 Minutes to get ready so I could finish the chapter, which I would never complain about, but I asked if he 8 year old would wash some strawberries for his little
Sister which I took a shower and he flat out refused. Didn't want to. Like, all we do for these kids all the time and they are just so ungrateful. I love to make them healthy and yummy snacks, take them on fun trips, i planned a whole treasure hunt with clues and a water balloon fight for the 8 year old... i mean, i go above and beyond to make them happy and healthy and have fun with us and i get so resentful that he wouldn't even help me with one little thing. 
I don't want to hold anything against them- they are kids, but I also want to teach them how to be considerate and responsible people, so my question is, is this normal behaviour for kids? Or should they be more willing to help out around the house?

Answer

It's normal that they don't want to. But it's also normal to explain that you planned a lot of stuff that doesn't get to happen for him if he didn't help.

Answer

I have a 6 yo step son that thats the same way. His dad and I learned that we had to stop asking him if he wanted to do something and instead tell him that he had to do something. I would rather him in his adult years help strangers like its second nature then to only think about what he wants.

Answer

Do you guys have good communication with their mother? My ex and I try to parent atleast somewhat similarly. We both have our son do chores, use manners, etc. We don't do everything the same but we try to stay on the same page. Otherwise try to explain to the kids that your house may have different rules but they are expected to follow them. Also I would make sure all the children, including your 16 month old, have some "chores". It will show that they are all expected to help out.

Answer

Normal. My daughters are 8, 10 and 17 months. And my son is about to be 13. They all have their chores and responsibilities but need reminding. And getting asked to do something for their baby sister is often met with a groan. But then they do it. I usually say "would you please" and if there's resistance to it then say "I need you to" or "you need to". I wouldn't blow that out of proportion. Just have a conversation about helping out. 
And as an aside: kids don't understand how much parents do. No child ever really gets it. That's part of being a child. 
So I wouldn't go comparing what they do and you do. It's not going to be even or even close. Just talk about responsibility in the family and good attitudes.

Answer

Talk to them. They are old enough to have that conversation.

Answer

Google The Smart Stepfamily. All 8 & 10 yo should pick up after themselves, have chores and help out. If it's every other weekend visitation then I think there needs to be an adjustment of expectation. If it's 50/50 or they're staying their full time there's no excuse for laziness or defying a request. Reasonable consequences should be implemented.

Answer

Totally normal kid behavior. But you can encourage them to do stuff. 
What about rewards? Give them a list of tasks  maybe every morning (help prep breakfast, take out trash, fold their own laundry, whatever), and tell them if it's all done, they can have extra screen time, or an allowance, or some other treat. Positive reinforcement can work wonders! But I'd do this with ALL the kids, so they all know it's sort of a competition. 
Have a frank talk with them about responsibility. Do it kindly. Tell them seriously, hey you're getting older and that means you have more responsibilities now, but it also means you have more freedom! Explain how much you really LOVE it whenever they help with something, and how much you appreciate it. It's just SO helfpul when you help get a snack for your sister! That means I have more time *getting whatever cool thing we were gonna do together*!

Is this normal kid behaviour?

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