The hardest thing to take is your own advice.

I already know what I should do...should have done. I watched my mother time and time again play this role, believe she wasn't worth more, needed a man. The old me woulda hauled ass at first hint ...but I'm not the old me... I'm the almost 40, divorced with 2 kids and a job that can't sustain us dependant on a man I can no longer pretend is everything I need him to be. He puts himself first before me and my kids. He says the right words but with no meaning and no follow up action..basically whatever to shut me up...he lies and then when he's caught instead of fessing up and apologizing he will lie 5 more times trying to make the first lie true and eventually he says oh well, fuck it, and? Everything is always flipped on me...I'm psycho, I'm trippin, he doesn't see why I'm even upset, I'm only upset cause I didn't get what I wanted-anything to deflect and make me feel guilty, ashamed... He no longer tells the truth about where he is going or when he will be home...the destination changes ...the time changes with no notification unless I ask and then it's angry like how dare I... The last 2 nights he's come home at 3am and its 1am now and he's still not home....When he leaves it's supposed to be for an hour or two but turns into 6 or 13 with no rational explanation of how a 3hr trip took 7hrs it just did... I'm not dumb by any means...it's insulting and I'm so over it