I'm going crazy!! I'm hurting myself, my kids, my boyfriend all because I'm so confused? What fuck is love anyway?

I'm go crazy! Some days I choose to just love him! He's so great to me, loves me, wants to be a family and loves my children...

Then I spend time with him and it feels empty.

I'll have the draw towards him but it's like going up against a wall. He's so quiet and I just feel distant and like there's no connection.

I can see this happening after being together for a while but it's been that way from the start.

I keep telling him how I feel.

He says he'll try to be more intimate and close but even when close, I feel nothing.

When we're not together, I think about who he is as a person, a good man and that makes me love him.

But not having that emotional connection instantly makes me back peddle.

It's almost 6 months now. I don't know what to do.

Will I ever get over this lack of affection and connection?? I want to laugh and flirt and talk back and forth.

It's not there and I keep expecting it to happen. When it doesn't I get down and out.

I don't want to hurt him or myself but I also don't want to let go of a good man.

I'm sooooo confused