I miss my baby 😭😭

I found out May 4, 2017 that I was pregnant when I received a faint positive on a Walmart 88 cent test. I immediately told my fiancé and we both cried because we were so happy. I ended up going to the local pregnancy center which they did a sono, I was able to see the heartbeat but they didn't have the machine to hear. My first appointment with my OB was June 6. Because of my insurance I had to go next door to the hospitals medical imaging for the sono. I thought nothing was wrong, I was just as happy as can be. My happiness didn't last long...the head person came in and told me he was sorry but the heartbeat had stopped and I had a missed miscarriage. I was so shocked I just sat there and then in registered. Instant tears, instant heartache. My mom was with me and she carried my as needed meds that I had stopped taking when I found out I was pregnant for my bipolar, depression, and anxiety. My fiancé came home early from work and all I could do was cry. We were so angry and still are. I ended up getting a D&C; on June 13. I started my period on time in July. And I just started my period for August. I cry as soon as I see blood because I hope I don't and that I'll be pregnant again. We're going to start tracking and using opk's this cycle so fingers crossed. I'm still very hurt though over the loss of our baby. I was 8 weeks and 4 days and the baby's heart must have stopped that morning because he or she was registering at the right size. I won't even get an answer from pathology though because there wasn't enough tissue...I wait till I'm alone and just hold the box I keep everything in relation to the baby and just cry. I thought it would get easier but it's not and I honestly don't foresee getting easier...