A year ago I wore my heart out on my sleeve. My ex-bestfriend /first real boyfriend who is a grade higher than me, we grew up together and last year he suggested we date originally I had my doubt's about it changing our friendship but the truth was I had always been in love with him. So we dated for about 5 months but then it was coming around to the time when he would go off to college and he started pushing me away, on the last day of school he kissed one of his classmates in front of me. Not one to drop all of my pride I put on a face of indifference and walked away(cried my heart out though at home). He saw me days later I asked him if we could have a serious convo he decline and said 'do you think this was going anywhere. ' I had never been so hurt and humiliated, what was worst was that it came from the person I hid from the world with. He went off to college and we haven't spoken since. Presently there is this boy that wants to be with me but I am scared to my bones I dont want to let my gaurds down ever again, after what happened I became antisocial, lost my appetite, felt completely numb I had no feeling of sadness or anger just perpetual numbness, I am trying to like this boy but I trust no one and I can't even get myself to respond properly to his texts. my heart feels empty and I hate myself that I can't open up. I want to believe he is different but I dont want to try. This is hella long but I dont want to tell anybody that knows me. I am no longer the happy me and i can't fix that