Trigger warning ⚠️ please I need someone else thoughts

I had 2 incidents happen to me one was when I was about 16 years old and I think about it every once in a while but it bothers me every day and I just need to know the truth because I'm vary cunfused about it. My ex who was at the time 18 I think brought some 2 friends over to my house unexpectedly which later I found out they planned to run a train on me (which didn't happen) they told me they had nowhere to go so I told them they could stay at my house but I told my ex that the 2 friends had to sleep on the floor well one ended up sleeping on the floor and the other slept between my ex and I which I didn't want then my ex and the friend on the floor got up and said they was leaving because his friend that was in bed with me and him was to shy and I begged my ex not to leave that I wanted him to stay well they left anyways and his friend started kissing my neck which turns me on but I didn't want to do anything with him he got on top of me and I tried so hard to push him off of me but he grabbed my wrist and held me down and since I was wearing shorts he didn't need to take anything off and he pulled his pants down well I tried to push him off of me but he grabbed me and I kept trying and once he was inside me I tried even harder to get him of and I told him I didn't want to do anything with him after trying and failing to many times I just gave up and let it happen just to get it over with I just want to know since I gave up the fight was that me consenting to sex is it my fault it happened

The second incident is when I was drunk and I was not maybe 20 years old I didn't even know what was going on but I only remember bits and pieces I was with a friend and some of his friends that I never met leaving the club which I went to with some female friend at first and I wasn't even supposed to leave them because I had her car keys but the guy I was with lied to me and told me she would meet us at his place so I went with him well we smoked and drank some more and I started feeling weird so I went to lay down on my friends bed cuz I could barely move and I remember sitting on the side of the bed with my feet over the edge and falling asleep the what seemed like only a few minutes a guy I didn't really know came in and some how I was I. The bathroom and I remember asking if he had a condom and looking into the mirror while he was having sex with me an the look on my face and my appearance I know something wasn't right I was cold my face was so pale and I could barely talk I don't remember how I got back in the bed but I woke up to my friend trying to get me up she told me she thought I was dead because I was so pale and she couldn't wake me up when she finally did it took her and her other friend to get me to move I could walk she said i wasn't myself like I was drugged or something idk if I was or not but the next day I asked my guy friend about his friend and he said nothing ever happened that I was alone in the bedroom the whole time so it made me question myself but even though I didn't say no and I asked him if he had a condom was what he did ok I just want to know someone else thoughts because I blame myself for both situations