Feeling alone 😔

My best friend, Christine, has always been a little pushy. She's been pushy about my husband and I trying for kids. I've always been a little scared of having kids and she knows it.

DH and I have been trying for about four months now. Just taking it easy and going with the flow. I've heard that's the best way to do it. We decided on our own and ignored her constant "are you pregnant yet?" remarks. Right now she's 8 months pregnant with her third. I'm so happy for her. She asked me to plan a shower for her and even though I'm a SAHW I made it look as awesome as I could. Even bought extra diapers for her husband's diaper party that she stressed he needed. I made her a diaper cake and while I was standing next to her, she was talking up and down about how her other friend had made her this wonderful diaper cake and never mentioned mine. It wasn't until I was about to casually mention the one I made that she cut me off and said "oh she made one too."

Since the shower earlier this month, she doesn't return my texts. I understand she has things going on but she'll post to Facebook instead. She only texts me if she wants to complain about the pregnancy but when the conversation changes she stops texting. This pregnancy has been completely textbook for her. The only thing that hasn't been is that she eats terribly so it's causing a lot of swelling. Her doctor wanted her to eat better months ago but she's ignored everything the doctor has said. I can't help but think there's a lot of martyr syndrome going on with a lot of it.

I've talked to her about it but she just ignores it. After spending a few hundred on the shower this breaks my heart.

Not to mention I'm 5 days late on my period. I don't know if I'm pregnant yet or not but it's made me think. I always thought I would tell her first, because she told me first. Now I'm not so sure. Since she got pregnant, she's been super distant and we're not as close. 😔 Just makes me so sad. I feel like a total loser and like my friendship has an expiration date on it.

(I apologize for how jumbled this is. I just wanted to writes it fast and get it off my chest)