I don't want this pregnancy and it feels like I'm dying

Found out I'm pregnant and had ultrasound today. I was on birth control and I took some antibiotics and other meds while on it without knowing it will mess up with my birth control. Its early but I'm so scared. I don't want this pregnancy. I didn't expect it. I've been acting tough and all. I told the father that I'm getting abortion and he agreed with me. He lives abroad and I only said I expect him to be here when we terminate the pregnancy because I'm really scared.

I did everything alone. I went to the doctor, getting ultrasound, getting appointment for abortion, pay it by myself when I'm actually in a very hard situation with money. I don't know how to ask him to share the costs.

He said he will come if I need him to be here but after I came back from my ultrasound and told him the result he hasn't replied to my messages at all.

Now I'm more scared than before than I'm going trough all of this alone. I read people experiences here and ask around of how much it's going to be hurt me physically and emotionally. Im getting more scared. I can't sleep and I really want to cry but I can't. I'm so lost. I lost 4lbs already because of stress. I'm being paranoid because if my family knows they will probably kill me. I'm in the middle of doing my research and taking care of my father's funeral and paperwork etc etc. I'm suffering from depressions and I can't have more distraction. I don't know who to talk to and where to get support. I'm holding up all my feelings but it feels like I'm dying inside.