I married my rapist (questions answered in original post)
I had been with my fiance for 6 years when I was raped by another man. He was always very supportive after what happened. After the wedding, the baby, he changed. He always does it in ways that he can make excuses for like 'i got the safe word wrong' or because i was so drunk I either blacked or passed out and he can claim I was into it. He's getting more aggressive with it. I hate myself for still loving him. I bring this on myself.
I'll answer questions here to maintain my anonymity.
I've begged him for couple's counseling, but he just tells me to get counseling for my ptsd snd self harm like I'm the only one in need of counseling here. It's just very condescending and I feel like he is avoiding couple's counseling to maintain that he doesn't have any problems.