Hi Glow members,

I'm really in need of advice of how to stop giving family members gifts without getting into an argument with them, or feeling guilty about it .

It's truly a long story, but I used to love getting gifts for family especially our nieces and nephews. In the last few years , it's really turned into more of a chore and I don't like doing it anymore, but I feel obligated to and guilty if I/we don't.

I thought it might have been easier to split up the gift giving with my husband, and asked him to get gifts for his family and I would get gifts for mine, but he would forget a niece/nephew's birthday, and I would feel bad/guilty about not having sent a gift. So, then I would send a late gift.

The thing is , we live very far away from family, but even when we lived closer (a few states away) we never really had good contact with any of our nieces and nephews. We don't know any of them well, and the relationships with all the parents are even a bit 'cool' and distant.

We almost never receive any gifts from these family members for birthdays or Christmas, but some do say thank you. We live overseas, and shipping is expensive. So, I can understand, but even when we lived closer we wouldn't receive anything, many times not even a card, or a photo.

One of our nieces/nephews is a young adult now (early 20's) and still expects gifts. I even got into an argument with her once when I told her we would just get things for the little ones.

She has become physically abusive toward her younger siblings, and is an out of control bully to her parents and others in the family. Her parents spoiled her as a child and continue to do so, and I can't help but think I also contributed by getting her gifts for holidays. I can't and won't support that behavior, and I had no idea it was so bad.

The other family with nieces/nephews will be getting remarried. We didn't even know her fiancés name until they announced their engagement, and didn't know he had children. Now we feel obligated to send gifts to him and his children, and we know absolutely nothing about them.

My husband says it's simple, we just stop giving everybody gifts ( adults and kids ), but it feels weird to me and I don't want people to feel hurt or say terrible things about us.

Soon we'll have our first child, and as silly as it sounds this gift giving thing is causing some stress.

**** Update 11/25 - Well, happy holidays Glowmies . I had to com back and re-read all the advice you gave me on this thread. I've been doing good, but feel like I need some support again now that Christmas is coming up .

Wish me luck, and give me strength to stick to the decision not to buy and send things.