So I have two children a boy age 4 and a girl 7 months. I had a traumatic labour with my daughter, I had been swelling all over from 25 weeks but since this was my second pregnancy doctors and midwife weren't worried when I got to 30 weeks my face was so swollen and still no concern from health care teams, my blood pressure was rising each week fast forward to 40 week my face was double the size blood pressure was higher, went to hospital they said all was fine and sent me home. Then three days later my labour started 40+6 I was put on monitor's as my blood pressure was higher I was being checked for preeclampsia but my contractions got stronger and closer together so I was moved to labour ward and everything just went down hill. My babies heart rate was dropping my heart rate was dropping I was rushed to theater and put to sleep for an emergency c-section my partner wasn't aloud with me , I lost almost three litres of blood almost died. I find it extremely hard to talk about this moment even typing it makes me cry, I lost something that day a part of me wasn't the same, I know that sounds silly. I feel so guilty that my partner didn't get to see his baby come into the world and I didn't see or feel my baby being born it was hard to bond I loved her from the moment I saw her I just wasn't emotionally connected with her. so that's my story, we the decided that we wanted another baby and this morning we got our BFP I have so many thoughts running through my head I'm happy scared I feel a bit selfish. what are peoples thoughts.