It's been 2 and a half years since my sister was sexually assaulted by our own cousin. 2 and a half years since we were betrayed by someone we once called a brother. We hadn't seen him since that day, every family get together we wouldn't go. We would make excuses. I say we because I was the only person she ever told. It was too humiliating for her, too upsetting. She wanted to pretend it didn't happen.

Well yesterday, it was my Aunt's birthday. I wanted to see her so bad. Avoiding him meant never seeing her because they live together. I was told he wouldn't be home, but he was. I tried to act normal around him, because she couldn't find out. It would break her. I'd managed to make it most of the night without talking to him and nobody noticing, but I finally stepped outside to smoke (not usually a smoker but I NEEDED it) and he followed me! He stood there and asked what had been going on in my life. I gave him short answers and wouldn't look him in the face. I couldn't stop thinking about what he'd done. He finally brought up some memories from years ago that we'd shared, and it hurt. We were so close. I missed him so bad. Why did he have to do that?? I put out my cigarette and went inside. I wanted to cry.

Today I'm still upset. Upset with myself even, for standing there and missing this horrible person. Why do I feel like that?

Update: He did not go to jail for this. My sister never reported it because she didn't want his mom to find out as she's of bad health and he takes care of her.