I was raped 2 years ago and only just realised

2 years ago, nearly 3, I was at a friend's party. I was 17 at the time and I was still bad at knowing my limits when it came to alcohol, so I got pretty drunk. Her older brother had some friends over and I thought one of the guys was cute, so I turned to my other friend and told her. She dragged me up to him and was like "you two should make out" (so smooth, I know) and we did. I was wasted at this point and I didn't know, but he was 10 years older than me.

As we were kissing in my friend's kitchen, he started trying to push his hand up my skirt. I pushed his hands away but he kept going, and started fingering me. I told him no, but he kept going. I was so drunk that I just let it happen. He took me into a room and started taking off my tights. I kept telling him no and trying to push him away. All he said was "I don't have a condom." I feel so stupid for letting him continue. I should've screamed, or punched him, anything.

Once it was over, I left the room and acted like nothing happened. For months after, my friends would ask me if I had sex with the guy at the party, and they'd laugh when I told them "who?" I didn't know what to tell them. That he'd taken advantage of a drunk 17 year old girl? I just kept it all inside. The only other person I've told is my boyfriend (who is super supportive, he's the best💕). I don't know why I felt the urge to write this all out but it feels cathartic. Up until now I didn't even think about this, I didn't think that it could've been rape because I blamed myself for letting it happen, but I know now that it wasn't my fault. My only regret is not biting that guy's dick off when I had the chance.