Don't want to be a parent VENT

From the minute I was pregnant I didn't want to be a parent. Don't get me wrong I love my son but I just don't want to be a parent. I got pregnant at 15 and now I'm almost 18, the first little bit it was easy and now it's starting to get hard, plus his father left us because he didn't want responsibilities. I sit here and cry to myself almost every night once he's asleep. I hate my life so much. I don't want to be in this situation right now. My child was from failed birth control that I was taking the right way so don't even tell me I should've protected myself because believe me I was. This sounds terrible but I was going to get an abortion at first because I knew I couldn't handle a child, but then I seen him when they did an ultrasound and I just couldn't do that. I cried because I felt so horrible about even considering doing that. Then I was going to put him up for adoption, but my family told me not to do that because they would help me raise him, I still was hesitant about that but they insisted. Well I get no help, at all. I had to leave school, I don't have friends, and I lost my boyfriend. I never get to leave my house, instead of getting a car for my 16th birthday I got nothing. I just hate my life so much and I wish this wouldn't have happened. I never wanted kids, I love him more than anything but I can't keep pretending like I'm this happy little single mommy when I'm not. If I could seriously walk out and just restart my life I would.. And meanwhile, while I'm stuck here with no life doing something I don't want to do, my ex (baby daddy) is just living it up.

**I try so hard not to feel this way but I can't help it. I want to be a happy parent but I'm just having an extremely difficult time right now. And when I talk to my mom about this she brushes it off and thinks I'm just saying this because I'm upset with my son at the moment or something. Like I wish there was a way that I could give him to somebody in my family so they could raise him but I'd be able to see him and he'd still be in our family.. I feel so awful about myself for even thinking this way..