Hooking Up

Okay, soooo I haven't had a boy/girlfriend since freshman year and I'm about to start junior year. And don't get me wrong, I don't need a relationship in order to be happy. I just have been feeling really lonely and really sexually frustrated recently. Anyway, there's this guy that has always turned me on like crazy and I think he's hella hot, but as a person, like yeah he's nice, but he always tries to act like a "cool guy" and he never has anything interesting to say, like he's soooo boring. But every time I get drunk I always snap him and tell him how hot he is cuz I get really horny when I'm drunk😂 Buuuut he had a girlfriend for a really long time. But this summer they broke up, and so a few days ago, I got drunk and I snapped him, and he like reciprocated interest for the first time! And we've been sending each other hot stuff back and forth for a while since then. Anyway, my best friend's having a birthday party soon and she's inviting him and we've pretty much said without saying it that we're gonna hook up there😂 I'm excited because I've been feeling kinda numb in my life recently, like nothing's been happening, I haven't really been talking to anyone, and I've been feeling really detached and just numb I guess. I haven't had a crush and honestly haven't really felt anything in a while. But now there's sorta this new heat and excitement and I know it's not gonna fulfill me or like solve my problems, but I'm kinda just happy to feel excited again, you know? And I've never done this before, I've never hooked up with anyone I didn't have a real interest in. But I'm very comfortable and open with my sexuality and I think this could be a very fun experience. And I know I'm gonna go through with it, like this isn't gonna change my life or make me empty inside, I just never let loose and have fun, so I wanna let myself this time! To be honest though, I am still kinda sad, like I just really long for the feeling of having someone love me and look at me like I'm the most beautiful thing in the world. And it sucks when you can't just snap your fingers and make that happen, you know?😂 But I can't do that, and who knows when I'll find somebody new to crush on, so I think it's okay to just have some fun while I wait. I didn't really have a point to this lol I kinda just needed to rant.