10:30pm - (I lay in bed half naked too tired from the days activities to fully undress)

"Uhhhh oh yeaaaa" "uuuhhhh" "uuuhhh"

'I drift off to sleep'

10:35; ( I slip my socks off in my sleep and all is silent)

10:45: ( i am woken by tap tap tapping. I am awake again. My eyes are transfixed on the ceiling in the darkness)

"Oh yes. Harder" "deeeper" SCREAMS

'I need to sleep but it's impossible. It's too much'

11pm - ( the sex is clearly amazing. The dog even starts howling by the side of my bed, and I don't even stop him.)

"Uh uh uh" "I love you"

'I reach for my phone'

11.15pm - (I've now been awake for 18 hours . I've had enough. This needs to stop. )

"Oh babyyyyy" MORE SCREAMS

'I wolf whistle as loud as I can to try and kill the passion. It's too intense. And it works for a short while . The sex comes to a halt as I bring it to a heel'

11:30pm - (sex resumes, I'm knackered. I need to sleep . This time I wind up the dog on purpose.)

Dog: "woof woof".

Man: "shhhh stop stop"

'I search on youtube 'videos to make your dog bark' and it works the dog howls and howls and finally the mood is ruined and the sex is over for good'

11:35: I'm pleased with myself.

One wolf whilstle and my dogs barking successfully shut my neighbours up in less than half an hour.

I don't know what he was doing to her, but he sure was doing it well....

Well, either that or she is a fantastic faker .

She has been my neighbour for a grand total of 2 weeks....

It's like there's a live porno shoot above me every night at 11pm.

I hope she moves out soon.

SO. FRIKIN. LOUD

And you thought it was me getting the action ;)