Marriage...yes...or no...?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years...living together for 2. He hasn't popped the question. So I asked him what he thought about marriage. He said he doesn't believe in marriage...but I do... What do I do?                                                              I still love him and couldn't imagine my life without him. But, I'd like to think about him as my husband one day and not just my boyfriend forever.....any ideas?

Answer

He might not believe in marriage but if it's super important to you, I would hope he would be willing to reconsider. It's also a very realistic and responsible thing to do if you're in a long term committed relationship and have assets together. Legally it's the best move, and it's a sense of emotional security. Tell him why it's important and how much you love him and want to be his wife, that should make his heart melt.

Answer

I agree with everyone. First step is to figure out why he's against marriage. It could be something you could work out. If it's a financial thing, talk about signing prenuptials . If it's a religious/moral/societal thing , it could help to talk about it. Sometimes, people are also scared of change and it could help to talk about that . As others said, tell him why you love the idea of marriage.
I've known people who aren't legally married, but have been together a long time as if they are married and they call each other husband and wife. So, getting married isn't required to spend your life with someone monogamously. 
However, if being married is something very very important to you, and he's not willing to change. Then, unfortunately you need to start thinking about how to move on and find someone with the same goals and values that you have.

Answer

We were sort of in this position. Going to a good therapist / counsellor separately then together a few sessions really helped us get onto the same page. I put it to him, when he's an old man, like 75, 80, looking back, if we'd never married, just lived together and had our family, how would he feel? He really thought about it. It struck a nerve with him and he teared up about that thought.
We conceived (planned) soon after and my being pregnant seemed to motivate him further. He didn't like referring to me as his girlfriend when discussing my pregnancy. He proposed when i was 23 weeks along on a holiday.

Answer

You need to speak with him about what makes him not believe in marriage. Then y'all can work through it. Many men are ridiculous about the "I don't wanna lose half yadda yadda" but they don't have shit worth taking anyway 🤣 or maybe his parents are divorced and it got ugly? I can't believe this never came up before after all this time 😳 what about if y'all have kids?! Doesn't he want them to have the stability marriage provides??!

Answer

I'm with Samantha, if it's something that doesnt necessarily mean too much to him but it does mean something to you, I'd hope he would be flexible about it. Whether for religious or legal reasons, it obviously matters to you. Personally my mother doesn't believe in marriage, she sees the legal value but the whole concept of the "sanctity" of marriage is lost on her. My father is more of a religious romantic and she married him for him, they've been married 26 years now. Try to gently explain to him that it's something that matters a lot to you

Answer

vring up some good points of why you want to get married. tell him how you feel, that you want him to be your husband. also if either of you are put in the hospital the other is not allowed unless they are famoly or married. that is not good. and if you ever have kids you want to be married cause it makes everything more simple

Answer

Talk to him about it. Figure out why he doesn't believe in it and explain why you do. See if you can meet halfway. My husband was more on the "it's just a piece of paper" side and I explained that I saw it more as getting up in front of our friends and family to make a commitment to each other. That we're telling each other and the world that this is special and will last forever. It was so much more than a piece of paper to me and he hadn't really thought of it like that before. After I explained all that, we were on the same page and got married.

Answer

did you tell him what you want? people can change. if you guys talk it out maybe you will feel better or be able to have a better idea of what your futures look like

Marriage...yes...or no...?

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