Just . . . so frustrated!!

Brief backstory: I was born and raised in a strict Christian home, and didn't begin really thinking for myself until I was 21. At age 22, I left the church and Christianity behind. At the same age, I discovered paganism (namely witchcraft) and I felt as though I'd found the religion i had been searching for my entire life. I found my home with this faith.

But my whole life I've seen people angry and resentful of Christianity - especially those who were once members of the faith. And I hated it - and it also made me sad. They left the church behind in life, but they still clung to it with their hatred of it. I never wanted to be like that. And I absolutely never wanted to be the child my parents never talk about to their Christian friends.

Only those who have left Christianity can really know the struggle here. Struggling to move on in PEACE, and joy instead of feeling constant resentment towards the church. I feel I've done well though. I attend church with my family on special occasions, if I have free time I attend church activities with them, and I always try my best to be respectful of the faith.

But sometimes it's just so damn hard. It's so damn hard to feel like you're moved on and feel peace when your friends and family are always shoving their beliefs in your face and down your throat. When they're always judging - even when they truly don't mean to. It's that awful "I'm right and your wrong" attitude. I think, deep down, that's what all of us hate. We can tolerate the differences, we can tolerate the awkward silences and the odd looks.

But once a Christian says something along the lines of "I hope you'll find Jesus some day" or "He is real! You only need to pray to find out for yourself". I think that's really the only reason why so many ex-Christians can't let go and speak against the church.

I recently reconnected with an old friend (someone I've known since kindergarten). The past few months have been ok between the two of us. Getting to know each other all over again - that sort of thing. And for the past YEAR I've felt that I'd become a rarity; I was an ex-Christian who didn't harbor any ill feelings towards the church. But then tonight, my friend sends me and e-mail about how she prays that some day I'll find Jesus. . . And then those feelings of anger come flooding back. It's so very frustrating. Clearly, I have more work to do with The Mother on this.

I'm sorry. I just had to rant. Honestly, I don't know what to say to this friend of mine. I've already lost friends over my faith change, and that's made me build an emotional wall so that I don't continue to get hurt. For anyone in the same situation, have you moved past your ill feelings? How did you do it? Is it normal to slip back into the resentment?