Self harm help

I'm literally so depressed. I'm on Zoloft and Wellbutrin and I skipped a couple days of taking my meds. I've been sobbing all day. Past traumas are bothering me. My boyfriend doesn't understand. He just doesn't. I can't stop thinking about sh but I haven't sh in months. He threatens to breakup with me if I sh. I feel if we didn't live together I would have left him long ago. But I've learned to forgive and accept the worst parts of him. Also I try to look from his perspective how hard it must be being with someone as insecure and psychotic as me. I can't even comfortably have sex with him. The thought makes me want to hide under the covers. And scream into a pillow.