giving baby up for adoption or aborting.

I don't want the baby I am carrying. I haven't bonded with it. I didn't think it was possible for me to get pregnant. I was experiencing pains and went to the hospital. The midwife done a scan and told me everything was fine. I cried. I didn't cry tears of happiness. I was no longer with the abusive rebound who got me pregnant (which I'm happy about not being with) however now I'm carrying his child. I was crying as he was able to get me pregnant and now I have that baby inside me. I've thought about getting an abortion. However who am I to decide to take a life? I've looked into adoption. I just wanted to know if anyone has done this. I don't think I can carry it for the duration of my pregnancy and give it up. I feel sick of the thought of this child being like its father and that thought is just making me want it out of me. I can't keep it I'm so worried I will hate it and can't bring it up by myself. I feel disgusting admitting from the moment I saw it and knew it was ok that I was gutted. The midwife told me and I burst into tears. She asked me if it was tears of happiness and I said yes (I was lying). She obviously knew otherwise why else would she ask? It must have been that obvious. I'm going to contact my midwife tomorrow. I have an appointment on Thursday however I don't want to wait any longer. I've tried bonding with the baby and talking to it. The bond isn't happening. The father of it has been very abusive saying I should put it up for adoption and that he will pray I have a miscarriage. He put his hand over my nose and mouth knowing I was pregnant and I had to punch him several times in the head to get him off me. There is no way I would ever get back with him he is not safe for the baby. However who am I to not allow the father to see it? I feel it will all be resolved with an abortion.