I feel very alone in this even though I'm sure that I'm not. My story may be a little different than most of yours, but it probably doesn't change the base feelings involved.

My daughter was born on June 1 this year at 7 lbs 4 oz. She was induced on her due date (May 31). As soon as she was born, the baby nurse said she was breathing too shallow and called in the NICU nurse. The NICU nurse arrived and agreed. They said they'd have to take her to the NICU. They allowed me to hold her for several minutes and give her a kiss. They held her up for my mother to talked pictures of her. Then they wheeled her out of the room and away from me.

My baby was kept in the NICU for 6 days. I feel very fortunate that it was only 6 days, but those 6 days changed me as a person.

I feel extreme guilt even almost 4 months later. I don't believe my baby was unhealthy at all. For several reasons, I feel this hospital is a terrible place that likes a full NICU. So, it was an opening in the NICU that put my baby there.

I feel terrible that I didn't do more to keep her out. Because of my insurance, I only had ONE obgyn option, and he only works out of this hospital. I already knew from hearing locals share experiences and my ex boyfriend working there that it was a money hungry hospital.

I was robbed of bonding with my first daughter for her first 6 days of life in any meaningful, nonclinical way. I was robbed of breastfeeding her because she had already had so many bottles that she (surprisingly) liked the breast, but had a very hard time latching and became frustrated with the lack of milk. My daughter was robbed of a happy birth and ripped away from her parents. My daughter still has nightmares where she cries quietly in her sleep at least once a week.

When my daughter needed me the most, I couldn't be there. The guilt is immeasurable. Does anyone else relate?