I hate myself ...

I was in a relationship with someone I thought I was gonna marry. And we broke up very suddenly and with no explanation. I had come to find out he cheated on me with 8 people (that I know of 100%). I ripped me apart. He cheat on his girlfriend after me with me. He is cheating on his current girlfriend with me. (Not knowingly on my part.) And I have never hated myself so much. Like I genuinely want to die sometimes because he is so toxic to me, and manipulative. But I love him. I don’t know what to do. I have no one in my life anymore because of him. Because he’s hurt some many people around me by hurting me. And I feel like if I leave now, I will literally have no one. I just don’t understand why he gets to be happy after everything he’s done, and I sit and cry every night, because I hate myself. I hate I let him do this, I hate that I can’t leave, I hate that no matter what, I don’t matter. This has been going on for years. And I just don’t know what to do anymore.