PPD sucks


So I'm a mom of 2 amazing little girls. I am 19 weeks postpartum and have been battling with some depression. I went back to work after 10 short weeks. I battled with breast feeding because I didn't breast feed my first and really wanted to for this baby. We had to stop at 8 weeks due to reflux and issues with my 4 year old and her behavioral issues. Plus my husband was very unsupportive and that's when the ppd really kicked in for me. Since I've been back to work weve came across babysitting issues and I've been applying to jobs for evening shifts within my healthcare system I already work for. 20 something jobs. Than I came across an opportunity to interview for this amazing position with the perfect hours last Friday. They have not called me back yet and it's been a week and my anxiety is kicked in so bad because my babysitter/ aunt is getting her full time job in 3 weeks idk what to do I'm soooo scared. Because than we'd have to resort to my brother in law watching the girls and he to me isn't that responsible and I'm scared something will happen. Idk