Dear ex,

You hurt me. I know that you know that. Every time i see you i feel fear and confusion in my heart still. You were my first. We were together almost a year without me realizing the way you were treating me was wrong. I was young and inexperienced and you had me wrapped around your finger. We had been friends for quite some time prior to us getting together, so i was used to your "quirky" behaviors and i found them cute. Afterwards I realized how far gone I was. You treated me wrong. You constantly abused me emotionally and touched me non-consentually and I let it slide because you were depressed and mentally ill. I made excuses for you too many times. I am completely over you but the fact that I still see your family around town and your siblings at my school sometimes resurfaces memories. They weren't all awful but theyre tainted by the knowledge that I let you abuse me. I put up with a lot of shit and even though it wasn't REALLY your fault, you were in an extremely bad place mentally, that's still no excuse. I will never take shit like that ever again and I almost need to thank you for showing me that relationship abuse can be subtle, so i can learn from my mistakes. I hope you're happier now than you were with me. We were not good for each other. I hope you seeked help for your bpd. I've been with my new boyfriend for a whole year now, and I love him a lot. I've been over you for years and I don't plan on speaking to you ever again, but you did something to me. You caused trouble between us near the beginning as I was so afraid of being sexually abused again. I hurt my beautiful man a lot for the first few months being distrusting and afraid. I'm still constantly afraid of being neglected or pushed away again. I love my boyfriend. I'm so glad that he is as good as he is I need someone nurturing, not someone who tells me she hates me and never even loved me. I'm not regretful of havimg loved you. I'm only regretful that I did not stick up for myself when you treated me like shit, threating to hurt yourself if I didn't leave you alone, telling me that you hated me, ignoring me for months on end and not responding to any texts bc you "needed space". I wish I had known then that I was being stupid to stay. But I know now. And I'm living a happy life with my boo of 1 year. Here's to more years to come. I hope you learned from your mistakes with me too, ex. Thank you for shoving me out of your life. You did not deserve me and my kindness.