Ex Relationship

So my ex of five years has been messaging me for the past 4 months every day literally. I've blocked him on multiple numbers and all of my social media. I didn't have much support and been on my own since I was 17. Both my parents were addicts to drugs and alcohol so he was a huge support system in my eyes. We lived together for about a 3 n 1/2 years. I really loved him, but as the relationship progressed he became really controlling, he cheated on me a lot, got emotionally abusive and ended up getting physical at the end because I told him I wanted to move on. I ended up telling him I was interested in someone else and then he tried to confess his love but before that moment he rarely answered my calls. I know the situation isn't healthy for me, but I still love him so he has an affect on my emotions and I care for his well being. However I want my distance and he has become manipulative so I start feeling guilty for not wanting to deal with getting hurt anymore. I feel like I'm willing walking into a toxic and crazy situation. I feel like I don't think normal anymore and my whole outlook on love is just really destroyed. Is there anyone that was in a long term relationship that turned out to be very abusive ? How did you let go of the baggage from your past? Any advice on healing?