I'm Tired

I am so done with having to think about what I post online or watching what I say. Or having to wonder how doing certain things will affect my future. I just want to shut my brain off and just live. I am 24 years old and I feel as if my life is over. I want to say FUCK IT and quit my job because I don't like it. I want to stay out till 2 am hanging out with friends (but I don't have any). I want to buy a plane ticket and just travel. I don't want to plan or think about every little detail. I just want to act or ask permission or think how it is going to affect my family or my husband or his family. Everything that I want in life is/seems completely unattainable.

I want to adopt children that don't have a home simply because I have the room and I want a family of my own.

I want to spend the money on IVF simply because nothing else has worked and I want a baby

I want to buy a motorcycle and ATVs simply because I want them and I have the money.

I want to travel and see the world because I have no kids right now

I want to quit my job because i find it boring and unfulfilling and find my true passion in life.

I want to purchase a run down house and completely remodel it.

I want to make my home mine and not keep it the same way as the family who owned it before me

I want to have my dream wedding

I want to tell everyone that annoys me to fuck off.

I want to be able to tell my family what I truly think.

I want friends to vent to and do crazy things with.

I want to buy a brand new car

I want to color my hair crazy colors simply because I can.

I want to go on a shopping spree simply because I want new clothes

I am tired of not living. I wake up and go to work M-F 7-4 then come home and make dinner then got to sleep. on the weekends I stay home and clean my house and do yard work. I pay all of my bills on time and have no debt. My life has no value or substance, no excitement.

I don't expect people to read this or even care, I just needed a place to vent that wasn't a journal that my husband could read judge me on.