Kink question...

Here's my story:

Well this is a depressing kind of story... But, I was raped a few years back--he took my virginity--and I was traumatized for a long time because of it. I was also very depressed and stuff like that. Than just about a year ago I finally told my bf now.

Anyways, I always tell my bf now to pin my arms above my head when we're making love and I always tell him to take control too.

My question:

I've always wondered.. Is this like a psychological thing or something? Or is it just because that's how my first sexual experience was? I need some considerable answers.