don't know how to cope

so yesterday i was 10 weeks and 3 days pregnant. i had no morning sickness this time around and it was going to be a breezy pregnancy, i just felt it.

but i woke up with a small amount of spotting. it was such a small amount i didn't think it would be anything along with very tiny cramps, barely noticeable.

i went to the doctors anyway, just to be safe.

the doctor pressed on my stomach and it was quite painful, then she ordered an urgent ultrasound. the first one i could get was only 4 hours and 45 minutes later, on the way to the ultra sound i had very mild cramps, nothing too bad more like i was sitting in an uncomfortable position. i arrived at the hospital and went to the toilet then i seen it, and my heart broke into so many pieces i cannot begin to try to explain. i then went on to have the ultra sound..

then the doctor came in and i knew it was going to be bad news, i was hoping i would be fine everything was going to be okay. but it wasn't, i was having a miscarriage. the ultrasound showed everything moving low down and "on its way out" as the doctor said. again i can't even try to explain the hurt i was feeling.

now i just want to feel something but this sadness. i don't know how anyone can go through this and come out on top. the pain is excruciating i just want it to stop.

if anyone has any suggestions on how i can start to do anything but cry please feel free to leave a comment.