depression

never have I ever in my life have i felt this depressed. I feel worthless. When I was 14 (being African American) and living in a predominantly white area guys were embarrassed to date me. they would tell me they thought I was hot or sexy and they would sleep with me instead (I have 36d boobs 25 in waist and 37 in hips). When I was young my parents had other priorities besides me and my grandparents took care of me, thus started my feeling of worthlessness. now I feel every relationship I have or will have will just be guys using me for my body. I'm not looking for a pity party or negative comments I just wanted to let it out because honestly I'm in my bed right now thinking about my self worth and if anyone ever in my life would love me for me