Family trouble


I got in a huge fight with my mom today. We have a complicated history (verbal/emotional abuse from both parents growing up, depression and mental instability on my mom's end, alcoholism on my dad's, and a lot of unresolved anger and resentment among my whole family), but with time and distance I've tried to maintain a relationship with both of my parents, especially since getting pregnant. My mother was upset that my other siblings never talk to her and called me wanting to talk about it today. I'm twenty weeks along and my emotions are really fraught and today I just couldn't handle rehashing the past 25 years with her today. I yelled at her about how we all grew up in a horrible home environment, how none of us (my three siblings) feel that our family was ever a 'safe place', and that she can't force a relationship with any of them. She ended the call and I texted her to apologize and this is the response I received. Does anyone else with tough family histories feel like you owe your parents a relationship for the sake of their grandchild? Or has anyone successfully cut a toxic parent out of their life? She constantly refers back to other women I have formed healthy relationships with as maternal figures in what feels like an attempt to guilt trip me for not agreeing with her that our childhood was fine and that we (my siblings and I) owe her respect/a relationship simply because she birthed us. I feel like I'm always apologizing or mediating relationships in my family and I just didn't have the energy to do it today. I put off having children until I was 30 because childhood trauma made me question my own ability to be a parent, and I finally got to a point where I'm mentally happy/healthy, but I feel like I'll never escape my old family dynamics.