Infertility can be such a thief of joy. I struggle so hard to find the balance between Joy when my friends fall pregnant and my own bitterness. And when those bitter feelings arise they make me hate myself for feeling that way. And no one who has never been through some form of infertility seems to understand, and my husband feels lost. The negative feels fade, quickly, and are replaced with excitement, but they come back some times when I least expect them. I would NEVER wish this journey on anyone, but the jealousy that comes when its so easy for other is so strong and can steal away so much joy if you let it.

A friend who just started trying to get pregnant announced at a Halloween party tonight, and I am so excited for them. But my chest aches tonight and I hate myself for it.