Pregnant & overwhelmed.

I just need to get this off my chest. It’s a long one..

I’m 30 weeks pregnant with my first, my fiancé & I currently live with my sister, her husband & their 4 kids. We had our own place but we had a violent neighbor who assaulted my fiancé on multiple occasions & would verbally assault me every time I stepped outside. We didn’t feel safe, especially with our daughter on the way, so we moved out & in to my sisters until we get our own place.

Besides my fiancé & I helping pay bills (we help pay rent, electricity, internet & groceries) I also babysit my sisters 4 kids while she works. Her youngest son is 23 months, then she has another son who is 4, a daughter who is 5 & another daughter who is 9. My sister is a CNA & does 12 hour shifts very frequently. Her husband works an hour away but is home at night (right around 6pm). He has the weekends off, my sister doesn’t. On the weekends her husband kinda just shuts himself in their bedroom & only comes out for food or the bathroom. So I end up with all 4 kids from about 7am to 7:30pm. My fiancé helps me when he’s home but he works in a nursing home & sometimes has to stay late if they fall behind.

The older 3 kids just don’t seem to respect my authority & no matter how many time outs I put them in, how many times I raise my voice, how many times I threaten to take away privileges or how many times I actually take away said privileges they still don’t listen to me. They just literally don’t care.

The youngest is actually pretty well behaved for a toddler, but he was just recently diagnosed as a type 1 diabetic & we’re still trying to find an insulin dosage that works for him. His sugar levels are still up & down & he has frequent mood swings based on how high or low his sugar is.

It’s just too much for me. It honestly makes me question how good of a parent I’ll be... I get frustrated & feel bad because I know most of the frustration is just from me being tired all the time (been having trouble sleeping lately). It’s not fair to the children if I get frustrated easily but after a month of doing this 5-6 days a week for 12 hours the only emotions I have left are stress, emotional breakdowns, exhaustion & frustration.

I’ve brought it up to my sister but she just says the reason I’m getting easily frustrated & am exhausted all the time is just because I’m pregnant. Which is a big chunk of it, but it’s not the reason why. The reason why is because I have a HUGE workload & the only person who actually helps me is gone most of the day working himself (my fiancé)!

I love my nieces & nephews, I love my sister & brother-in-law but I need a break...