Scared

So.... long story short husband and I have been through a tough year in our marriage. thought we were pregnant a little over a year ago. His reaction was very harsh and uncalled for. I ended up for the first time in my life going to counseling. of course wanted him to also but he refused. We've been through a lot and have really come out better than ever. He's been very remorseful and we're in a great place now. I brought up getting a vasectomy talk about 3 wks ago. He wasn't against it but felt he had let me down.... longer story hopefully shorter... I went back on the pill in July in hopes to continue helping our marriage and take my mind off more children, we have 2 currently. I am starting to freak out bc I haven't had a period since Sept. 4th and have been having pregnancy symptoms. I'm too petrified to take a test. I've also finally got myself on board not to have anymore. REALLY believe I am and taking the test will just confirm my fears. I hate sounding this way but I just don't know what to think anymore. Anyone have any meaningful advice.