Help me please

I’ve been suffering from extremely severe anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. Of course it’s not always bad and these past few weeks have been absolute hell. My throat constantly feels closed up, I overthink every little thing I do (even if I’m just sitting in class I feel like everyone is watching me), I feel completely worthless and stupid and I honestly just feel broken. Ive felt all this before but I genuinely feel like my life no longer has meaning. I can’t reach out to friends because I don’t want to bother them, or they won’t understand how severe it is and how I’m not joking. I can’t reach out to family because the last time I did my mom refused to take me to a therapist because she just thinks school is stressing me out and I just need to work harder. I’m failing my classes because I cant make myself do the work and I can’t focus in class. The only release I get from all these emotions is when I run (I’m on xc) but I might now even be able to do that because my grades are shit and they wont let me be on the team. There are other friends of mine that suffer from depression as anxiety but they’re still able to do well in school and cope with it better than me so I feel ashamed to tell them how much I’m struggling (and as much as I love them they’re not physiologists so their advice isn’t the best). I’m seriously dying inside and I don’t know what to do...