So sad... 😔

I know I’m still on time AF not due until the 10/06 but I tested and both clear blue digital and first response were negative. I’m sad because I feel I’m going to pay for having two abortions in my past, I just wasn’t ready mentally and financially.. I have 3 kids from my previous marriage now I’m divorced and in a new relationship... when I got pregnant I had just started dating my now 4 year boyfriends. We were just f buddies I was on birth control the pill but I guess I was one of them who got pregnant while on it.. the hole point is I’m 30 and I know at this age is harder to get pregnant due to hormones imbalance etc. it’s been a while since I haven’t used the pill and nothing I haven’t got pregnant.. I’m scare that after doing this to my body I’m going to regret it because I’m not going to be able to conceive.. Im lost emotionally because I want one more child before I decide to shut down the factory for sure 😓