I seriously don't know what to do


Ive been with my boyfriend for 8 going on 9 years. Our relationship started in an unusual way and from the beginning there were certain tensions between us but for whatever reason we always pushed forward and appreciated the outcome through all of our struggles. We spent 9 months apart very early in the relationship I guess before verbally indicating we were in a relationship and he fucked another girl. He said had he not done that he wouldn't have realized how much he actually did care for me, my heart never hurt that bad in my entirw life, but I ultimately said I had forgiven him and we moved on in the relationship. We have great chemistry 90% of the time the other 10% is like were both 2 different people and I honestly cant stand him at all in those small instances. Same goes for me too because I know I can be a total bitch. But we're more mature in our relationship we dont react to eachothers attitudes as crazy as we did before. We know how to pick and choose our battles and that makes everything a lot better. My boyfriend had gotten locked up for 2 1/2 years throughout the 9 we've been together. I rocked out for him stayed faithful and made sure he had a place to come home to because when I first met him, mind you I was 17 he was 23 and he was still living at home with his mom. I lived there for about 1 year after he was in jail and had to go because she was crazy. Heres the point of this long ass story. Since my dudes been back from jail we barely have sex and this is now going on 4 years since he has been back from jail. We have a great sex life.. when we have sex but we dont. Like maybe once a month.. for 4 years and I dont fucking like feeling deprived. I am not a girl who doesnt like sex.. I need it! And we fought about this..we've talked about this.. Ive cried to him about this.. he will not change.. he doesnt touch me, he doesnt try to seduce me or like initiate sex..ever.. I have to all the time and he has such a "busy" schedule with work, softball, hockey, and whatever else he wants to do by the time he gets home theres nothing else left for me. I get to watch him fall asleep on the couch. He doesnt prioritize things he knows are important to me and seriously Im not asking for much. I dont need nothing fancy I just want my man to want me! I cook, clean, pay half the bills, service his ass, and all I want in return is physical attention a goddamn half hour of his time just for me and him to do the one thing that separates our relationship from anyone elses and I just dont get effort. I feel like Im just one of his boys he says I love you to when he leaves for work in the monring. Its been 4 years of the same ackward shit and I think Ive finally had enough. This relationship doesnt make me feel the way its suppose to and Im so fuckinh scared to end it but idk what to do. I love him but hes not the easiest to deal with and neither am I so Im afraid im overreacting but something tells me this aint normal. Its like he'd rather beat off all the time then to fuck his girl! And I aint ugly! I take care of myself but he makes me feel so undesirable. Im sad and I have no one to talk to about this shit