How is it not cheating?!?!

Question

I caught my husband looking at naked females on his phone. He was going to work and looking at them when he went to the bathroom. He says he has no libido to have sex with me so usually I literally have to beg him and most of the time he just lays there and acts like he hates it or he goes limp. I was talking to him about the pictures and he said he wouldn't even jack off to them every time, he would look at them. How is staring at other women's breasts that aren't your wife's not cheating?! He thinks he has done nothing wrong, but he knows I hate it because porn and stuff ruined my parents marriage. He has told me several times he would stop, but hides it. He never wants to have sex with me. It's got to be me. Why would he do it to other women's bodies, but not mine? It just has to be me. Why am I never the one that is wanted or being chased after? I'm always doing the chasing. He wouldn't have even gone out with me if I hadn't asked him. I just want to feel wanted and like I'm actually worth being chased after, but maybe I'm just not.... 😭💔
** Ok, let me make this clear. I do not care in the slightest if you ladies don't see it as cheating. To me it 100% is! It's affecting our relationship just like it did my parents and he knows how I feel about it! Our relationship use to be so great and idk what's changed! I sure as heck haven't.

Answer

It's considered cheating in my relationship and I'd soon be single if my SO did that. I'm serious, I'd leave in a heartbeat.

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I don't think it's cheating. These women are just images on the internet. Nothing more. He emotionally and physically can't be attached to these women so I don't see how it could be considered.  But if it's affecting your sex life I would try to see counseling. Maybe he's watching too much and losing his libdo?

Answer

I️ don’t mind my bf looking at porn. I️ don’t consider it cheating. Every relationship is different 🤷🏻‍♀️ The biggest issue here is that he looks at those pictures after you’ve told him you don’t like it. That’s disrespectful. Again, I️ really don’t care so it’s fine in my relationship but you’ve told him you don’t like it and he continues. That’s not okay. And the fact that he then refuses you and makes you feel insecure.... absolutely NOT okay. If you consider this cheating and you’ve told him that and he’s continued- I’d say it’s time for you to get the hell out! You deserve a man that respects you.

Answer

Everyone has their own stance on it. I 100% view it as cheating. But this was something that my husband and I worked out the last time we got together. We were on and off for 5 years and have been married for almost 3 years...(oh my where has the time gone to... 😭). But anyways.. it was something that was an absolute deal breaker for me and he understood that. He didn't understand why at first but he admits that it isn't something he is proud of and that he would view it that way now if I were to do it. It aligns with our religious beliefs anyways so that helps. Thinking of another in a sexualized way other than your spouse is considered adultery. But a LOT of people don't view it as such which is fine because that's their belief system. You just have to make sure you and your spouse are on the same page. It's something you guys need to discuss. 
As far as the refusing to have sex and actually not enjoying it when you do that's a whole other issue. Maybe ask him what makes him uninterested? Maybe have him go to the dr to see if his hormones are balanced correctly. Maybe try marriage counseling???

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It's not supposed to feel like that. get a divorce, easier said than done I know. go find your happy girl cause it's obviously not with your husband.

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I don’t consider porn to be cheating at all. It’s not like they sent him the pictures personally then yeah but porn is porn. To me it’s not cheating but people have different definitions of What cheating is. But the fact that he would rather watch porn then actually have sex with you maybe y’all need to separate if the spark is gone.

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We don't do porn in this relationship...

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I have the same issues I agree completely

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You have two different definitions of cheating but it also sounds like there are significant issues here. I would seek out couples counseling before this goes too far.

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It's extremely hurtful that he's turning you down but then looking at the pics.  I sapose it would be  little different if you were happy with your sex life. personally I woildnt like It either way, but I DEFINETLY wouldn't be okay with it if I had to beg for sex and then find out that's what he's actually doing.

How is it not cheating?!?!

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