Afraid to test, don’t want my feelings to be crushed...

I am on day 41 of my cycle, which is very strange for me. Last month my cycle was 32 days, the month before it was 28 days. I had just gotten off BC so I just assumed my body was getting back to normal. This month when it was time for my period to start it was weird because normally I have cramps and bloating for a week before my period and this time nothing. I have been TTC for going on 4 months now and at first I was checking cm and everything and it was stressing me out, after my period last month I just told myself to relax and it would happen. I’m just confused as to why I’m delayed once again, I know I should take a pregnancy test but I’m so scared it will be a BFN. I was curious if anyone has ever been in this situation before, my CM is still a regular amount but it seems to change between white and a yellowish color? Any help or kind words of encouragement would be great! Thank you!

P.S. I have had some nausea, back pain, food aversions, cravings, headaches, and twinges on my right side. Normally only last for a short period of time and not for more then a few days so not sure if they are symptoms or not.