Should my mom be allowed to call my daughter “monkey”?

Question

I am Caucasian and my partner is Trinidadian (black) and we have a one year old daughter. My mom often calls my daughter “monkey”... let me explain. In our family you tease a young child and call them monkey when they’re being silly which was harmless before my daughter came along. Now I know that this term was used to insult black people and is still used today. My mom has even recognized this herself when a friend’s mixed grandson was called a monkey by someone at a mall. She often says “I shouldn’t call her that” but then does again. I know my mom is not saying it in relation to any derogatory term but I asked myself how I would feel if she used the N word and just said oh I didn’t mean anything by it well it would be completely unacceptable. So I need advice, should I be more firm on not accepting that nickname for my daughter? Does this term even in the context of my family come from a derogatory place?

Answer

There are tons of other nicknames that don't involve racist stereotypes. Tell her to pick one.

Answer

Honestly, “monkey” is such common child nickname. It’s in relation to “silly”. Words can have multiple meanings. It’s not a derogatory slur and I think you’re reading too much into it. The N word and “monkey” are completely different and you can’t compare them.

Answer

Personally I think you're reading into it too much. I'm white and call my baby a little monkey all the time. If she was mixed race I'd do the same too. It's just a cute nickname to call her when she's being cheeky, as in "a cheeky monkey". Maybe it's just the norm where I'm from though 🤷🏻‍♀️

Answer

If she knows the stigma behind the word and still calls her that even though it’s not used in that context, she should not use the word. The reason being is once your daughter gets old enough and recognizes the history of that word, then what is your mother going to say to her? How would that conversation play out and how would she fully explain herself. 
Grandma, needs to be cognizant of context in the words she uses regardless if they are not meant to hurt. That word has a huge impact on POC, and her grandchild will have an uphill battle in this society; so don’t make it worse for her before she even has a chance. Y’all need to be on the same side and protect her from what society will bring to her.

Answer

It sounds like she should just pick another nickname.

Answer

My little cousin had this issue because she is dark skinned and her ears poked out as a child. One day I was doing her hair in the mirror and she said "T, why do I look like a monkey?" It broke my heart. Kids at school were calling her this. I don't think it is an appropriate thing to call ANY child, even white kids. There is a stigma attached to it and is a known racial derogatory remark. I would explain to her that as your child gets older, she WILL come to realize it is a dirty remark about her color. It is unacceptable.

Answer

My parents called me and my brother their little monkeys. Why? Because we were all over the place and getting into stuff all the time. Oh, and we were cute. I’m sure that’s the exact reason why your mother called all the other babies monkeys, too. But when your baby came along, it went from being cute to “someone is going to think I’m being racist toward my grandchild”  because the term can be used by racist bigots who have no education. She’s not calling your daughter that because she wants to be insensitive, she’s calling your daughter that because she’s treating her like every other baby in the family, but she’s scared someone is going to take it the wrong way.

Answer

I’ve literally never heard of someone calling someone monkey as an insult or derogatory term.. I can babies monkey sometimes.. I literally call my cat monkey.. I think you’re overthinking it tbh, but if you don’t like it, just say so.

Answer

It doesn’t seem like she’s saying it in a derogatory or malicious manner. You said that’s what your family calls children when they are being silly. However, if it does bother you because of your child’s race, just be firm and tell her that it’s no longer ok to refer to her as such.

Answer

Well if you know your mom means no harm just tell her that you’d rather her not call your child a monkey. Maybe give her some ammo. Like Silly Rabbit or Cheshire Cat. I don’t know, something along those lines would be better

Should my mom be allowed to call my daughter “monkey”?

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