hi, so I'm kind of new to this but I'm 17. I've dealt with depression for about 7 years now and a past of self harm for 5, but after a series of traumas i visited a mental health facility and haven't self harmed in 2 1/2 years.

lately, I've just been feeling so lost. I hate my job, but I'm keeping it to help pay for application fees and to be able to support myself in the next few months. i just graduated so i don't go out and have many friends (just my boyfriend of 8 months and my bestfriend of 5 years). I'm working on going to college but I'm stuck in the process of applying for schools and scholarships and i don't know what I'm doing and my mother is no help in figuring it out. i feel so isolated at times because i only see my family and the people who come to eat at the resturant i work at. Every time I make plans with my boyfriend, they get cancelled. this month has been the worse for me because I've had enough but i don't want theraphy because most of the times it has never helped and i know my mother wouldn't be able to afford for me to go the hospital. plus she wouldn't think there's any reason to go.But there's this urge that keeps creeping up on me to self harm and that i don't want to live anymore. i hate it because it scares me. i usually don't ever cry but I've been crying every day and i don't know how to even tell someone and get the comforting i need/want. please tell me that I'm not alone. and let me know if anyone is in this situation too.

Also please no hate comments. thank you.