Wishing to be pregnant. I am going through a divorce, missing my son, he is with his dad currently, first two months he has ever not lived with me, he is 4. Custody battle, cop husband, bf is young and dumb, but fucking can’t get over the sex we USED to have and the fun times. But it was never sober, I’m sober, don’t party like that anymore and I’m just barely talking to him, can’t stand him actually but I’m not doing good being alone. I know it’s good for me, but it’s so nice to cuddle, and just have a person to cHill with, however every single time it’s a god forsaken fight. Can’t do it. But I’m literally lusting/craving over our sex. Ugh!!!! Fuckery!!!
I need therapy. I was emotionally, verbally and sexually abused by my ex, but I am good at burying or covering up pain. So dealing with learning the normalcy in a relationship has been new and inexistent in my life for the last 9 years. Having to play detective-with a cheating husband has been stressful. I opened up a bank account and tried to save without him knowing, separated myself, moved closer to my family bc he wasn’t going to leave, and finally over a year later, $7500 for a lawyer bc I thought I could do it all myself, fuck no. Literally my lawyer has a headache, but better to have one now than never!!
Despite the drama I literally find myself dating worthless assholes. The ones that had approached me that weren’t losers all just went through divorce, cute, have there shit together, went to school with them, they are cute, never did have sex, one I kissed years ago, but part of me is frightened to start all over again, but i need to, I need to get away, be single, but build a solid friendship (in the now) with these guys..hey why not? But still seek therapy for myself... the more I type the more I’m thinking how crazy this must look to you all! 🤦🏻♀️
What do you guys do to get over someone!!? And this is the most toxic relationship I have ever been in. Why is it we can’t get ourselves out, or why we deal time and time again? Thinking he will change? Or when he gets sober he will be different? Change. Is the best way to explain the difficulty I guess?