So, I know most people would argue with me about it, but when I was 9 I was raped when ever he wanted me until I was 15. If it was once a week or once every 2 months. It stopped for a brief 2 years in there. He started touching me when I was 6 and that didn’t stop until 15 too. I was horrified. That’s when people started having sex all around me it felt like. Kids in school were talking about it, family friends were getting pregnant. Honestly, it scared me. It always has. I say that I’m still a Virgin because it was not consensual and quiet forced.

I feel pretty guilty sometimes though. My bf really tries to start stuff and I wouldn’t mind it. The only thing is that he starts to kiss my neck and grab my hips turning me on, but I instantly go back go all those times and panic. I end up pulling away leaving me feeling guilty and him feeling bad thinking it was his fault. It’s not which makes me feel worse. Eventually it just turns into a horrible night because we both feel bad. All I’ll want is for him to cuddle me and hold me, but he doesn’t dare touch me afraid that I’ll push him away again. This makes me feel awful and roll away. I don’t know what to do. 😓