Mixed Emotions About Short Sex

Background info: I’ve had quiet the busy year. I was in a bad car crash and broke my wrist, someone hit my head and I had to have staples, and in order to escape said person I got an apartment with my bf (we’ve been together for 4yr) for the second time. I have no job or car and I’m slowly readjusting to life and college. Needless to say I’ve been in NO mood for sex.

Things are getting better. Recently I’ve gotten a bit of a sex drive. Obviously my bf is on board. I don’t know if it’s a guy thing but for a month or so it seemed like he was going to die without it.

The first time was fine. I didn’t orgasm but that’s normal for me. I still wanted more the next day. So we go again but with less foreplay. He’s the only person I’ve had sex with so I’m not the most confident in voicing my opinions (you know how movies make it seem like you’re supposed to go with the flow) but I’m getting better. Besides, we can do more afterwards.

I don’t think I’ve ever orgasmed with him being on top so I wasn’t satisfied. I let him rest and waited until he was ready. It never came. He said he felt bad and wanted to please me but I knew if his heart wasn’t in it I’d feel like a rapist or something.

It’s not my policy to go to bed mad but it was 5am and I hadn’t slept. Plus what could be done? I was so angry. Illogical thoughts flew through my head. “Men just want to get off and go to bed. They don’t care about women” “How many times have I pleased him when I wasn’t in the mood but the one time I want to he goes to bed?”

I know all of these thoughts sound horrible! I didn’t say any of them of course. Any time he asked if I was ok I’d say yes. I just don’t know if my feelings are justified. Even today I was grumpy when he came home from work. My sex drive has been replaced with this anger of how this entire year I had to hear him go on about how he’s so worried I don’t love him simply because I wouldn’t have sex with him and yet now that I do he doesn’t want to see about my desires.

Are these feelings just crazy hormones that will damage my relationship if I voice them? In no way do I want to force him to please me like a sex slave. I’m only 22 and he’s my only partner so I’m very inexperienced. What do you think?