Honestly I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant all I’ve ever wanted in life is to be a mother like it was my one calling or something. I suffered with anxiety and depression before I got pregnant and it’s honestly never been worse. My home life is so shitty, although I love my boyfriend I hate where our lives are at. Most days we can’t even afford simple things like toilet paper or food. I live with my grandpa and we don’t pay rent because the house is owned but I’m responsible for all other bills and it’s so difficult when my boyfriend barely works and just takes days off all the time, while I’m exhausted and picking up as many shifts as possible. The stress causes us to argue so much. We have no car and have to walk and Uber everywhere. We’ve had so many big fights in the middle of the street for all the neighbors to hear which result in me throwing whatever’s in my hands such as food that we just bought and couldn’t afford in the first place. I think about suicide a lot and have attempted in the past. I would never harm myself while pregnant because this baby means everything to me. But I know the stress isn’t good for it either and I just feel so lost. I don’t know what to do I feel like I’m already a terrible mother and I hate my life so much why am I bringing a child into it. I could never give my baby up for adoption because I know once it’s here I will do anything for it. I just don’t know how to not feel this shitty. My parents don’t understand anything and are the reason for most of the issues I have in the first place. My friends are just sick of hearing me complain.

This is really just a rant